Welcome to
America’s Typical Cooking Show
I’m your host Thomas T. Glutton.

Today we’re gonna make Hog Marshmallows.

We’re gonna need 1(one) pound of lard.
We’re gonna need about 27 green onions.
We’re gonna need two (2) pounds of cooked whole wheat spaghetti.
We’re gonna need 3 cups of cane sugar.
We're gonna need salt.
And we’re gonna need 2 cups of hickory syrup.

I’m gonna go to the refrigerator.
I’m gonna open the frig. door.
I’m gonna the some lard.
I’ll need a few green onions, so I’m gonna get a bunch.
I’m gonna backup so I can close the refrigerator door.
I’m gonna close the door and I’m gonna walk back to the work area.
We’re gonna need cane sugar.
We’re gonna need salt and we’re gonna need hickory syrup
I’m gonna go to the pantry and get them.
(T.T.G. goes to the pantry and returns back to the work area)

I’m gonna set this stuff down and I’m gonna get the food processor.
I’m gonna open the top of the food processor.
I’m gonna put the lard in the food processor.
I’m gonna put the green onions in the food processor.
I'm gonna put the hickory syrup in the food processor.
I’m gonna put the cooked spaghetti in the food processor.
I’m gonna put the cane sugar in the food processor.
And I’m gonna put about one ounce of salt in the food processor.
I’m gonna put the top on the food processor and I'm gonna turn it on
and I’mGonna let this run for ten minuets.

We’re gonna take a brake now, and when we return we’re gonna finish this wonderful Hog Marshmallow delight.

(stupid music playing)

Welcome back to America’s Typical Cooking Show.

While we were gone I received a note from a gal that was voted ‘The sexist women on the network for 2012’.
I’m gonna read the note first and while I do the folks in the control-room are gonna put up a picture of her.


No, not her!



Thank you.

I’m gonna read the note:
“Dear sweet Tommy,
Yur doin’ it all wrong.
Ya gonna have-ta add one more pound ah lard
and, to make this a true ‘Southern dish’, ya gonna have-ta
add three tah four pounds of unsalted butter.
I say unsalted butter ‘cause y’all know
how bad that nasty ol’ salt’s gonna be for yah.
Gonna go now honey, ‘cause I’m gonna go on TV’s
po’ me circuit an’ make big bucks.”


Well gang it looks like I’m gonna stop right here and
we’re gonna continue makin’ the hog marshmallows tomorrow.

Thank you for stopping by.
I’m gonna see you next time on:
America’s Typical Cooking Show